Santa Banta Joke Series (PJ and SMS Special)

Santa to Banta: " Oye Yaar.. Do you know which City in India does not allow the entry of unhealthy people????"
Banta: "Ummmm.... No.. I dont Know... Which one??"
Santa: Oye Simple hai yaar.... It is "Na-Sick" (Nasik)"
Balle Balle...:-P

Submit Your Joke / Poor Joke / SMS Contest!

"Joke-O-Raakhe Saaiya" Maar Sakein Na Koye!!!"

Its not that we are short of jokes. We want our readers to sharpen their Joke Cracking Skills and share their jokes with our audiences.
So if you have a wacky joke, funny SMS, Deadly PJ then just start rolling and submit your joke here!!
Five Great Jokes chosen each month gets a place at our website and One Best Joke wins Rs 1000! (Terms and Conditions apply Off course!). . We shall run this contest each month till December 2009.
You may post as many nominations as you like!

Santa Banta Joke

We are back after a long time.. I got this joke on my sms and could not help but post it here on www.poorjokes.in
"Santa Singh ek Katori Dahi(curd) lekar beach jaata hai aur Dahi ko Ocean mai daal deta hai..
Banta Singh sees all this and asks, " Oye Santa, ye tune kya kara? Dahi ko samundar mai kyu daala?"

Santa Replies- " Mai Dahi ko paani mai daalkar Lassi banaa raha hu.."
Banta- " Uff....Kar di na Sardaar waali baat! ! Itani saari Lassi ko kaun peeyaga ! ! "

Classic PJ

Q:- What do you call a girl-friend who ditches you?
.
.
.
.
.
.
A:- "Girl-fiend"!!

© PoorJokes.in

Manmohan Singh meets Gilani

On the sidelines of the Non Aligned Movement (NAM) summit in Egypt, Indian Prime Minister Mr. Manmohan Singh met his Pakistani counterpart Yousaf Raza Gillani.

The Poor Jokes team has obtained exclusive access to the transcripts of their meeting. Here it is.

Sardar Manmohan Singh (SMS) shaking hands with Yousaf Raza Gillani (YRG)

SMS (smiling):- Gilani sahib! Apse milkar bahut khushi hui.

YRG:- Mujhe bhi hui.

SMS:- Main apke liye India se ek tohfa laya hun.

YRG:- Bahut bahut shukriya. Tohfa kya hai?

SMS (taking a gift wrapped bag out):- Ek Bullet Proof Vest.

YRG (surprised):- Par yeh tohfa kyon?

SMS:- Taki agar aap par koi Terrorist attack kare to aap zakhmi na ho.

YRG (blushing):- Shukriya. Umeed hai yeh wohi Bullet Proof Vest nahi hai jo Hemant Karkare ne 26/11 ko pahna tha. Goliyan to uske aar paar chali gayi thi.

SMS:- Are nahi nahi. Police wale desi made 2nd hand Bullet Proof Vest use karte hain. Yeh Italian designer Bullet Proof Vest hai, Gucci brand wala. Jo hum politicians pahante hain. 100% bullet proof. Aur to aur, yeh to shoe proof bhi hai.

YRG:- Oh achchi baat hai. Main bhi apke liye koi tohfa lane wala tha. Par…..

SMS:- Par kya?

YRG:- Obama ne jo funds humein bheje the woh abhi hamare pass pahunche nahi hai. Is liye paise ki kami ke chalte nahi khareed paya koi tohfa.

SMS:- Khair koi baat nahi. Ab kaam ki baat karte hain.

YRG:- Zaroor zaroor.

SMS:- Hum chahte hain ki Pakistan Kashmir mein terrorist bhejna band kare.

YRG:- Iske liye apko Lashkar-e-toiba se baat karni hogi. Pakistan Govt. ka Lashkar par koi control nahi hai.

SMS (surprised):- Kya baat kar rahe ho!! Chalo koi gal nahi!! Agla item discuss karte hain. India ne to apne nuclear weapons pe “No first use” policy laga rakhi hai. Hum chahte hain ki Pakistan bhi aisa hi kare.

YRG:- Iske liye to apko Taliban se hi baat karni hogi. Pakistan Govt. ka nuclear weapons pe koi control nahi hai.

SMS (even more surprised):- Hadd hai bhai!! Chalo kum se kum apni army ko to yeh bolo ki woh border par Indian forces par baar baar attacks na kare.

YRG:- Iske liye to apko Army Chief se hi baat karni hogi. Pakistan Govt. ka Pakistani Army pe koi control nahi hai.

SMS (getting really agitated):- Yeh kya mazaak hai!! Kya aisi koi bhi cheez nahi jispar Pakistani Govt. ka control ho?

YRG:- Hai na.

SMS:- Kya??

YRG:- Obama ke bheje hue funds par !!

SMS faints……

Funny SMS Joke!! ( 100 percent Original)

Can you name the Fitness Freak Hollywood actor who carries all his body building machines with him to wherever he goes??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Nahi Pata??
Simple Yaar.. It Is..

Gym Carry.

Obama walking on Bill Clinton's footsteps

US President Barak Obama and French President Nicolas Sarkozy have been found anal-ysing some important matters at the G-8 summit recently.

The PoorJokes.in team wonders what they were thinking as the camera caught them "ogling" at a young girl.

For more on this incident, click here

Non-Veg PJ

Which Tennis player is the most popular amongst women ?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Nahi Pata???

Its Andy Rod-Dick..

© PoorJokes.in

Gay PJ Quiz

Gay PJ Quiz » Quiz School

History in the Making !

Monday 12:35 PM, 16000 BC, Africa : Man Discovers "Fire" ( This has no correlation with the movie Daag, The Fire)

Thurday 6:00PM, 3000 BC, Srilanka (Near Muttiah Muralidharan's House ): Rama finally defeats Ravana and the world celebrates !

Sunday 2:00PM, 1500 BC, Kurukshetra: Pandavas win the famed battle of Mahabharata.

Wednesday 12:00AM, 0012 AD, Europe: Something important must have happened !!

Thursday 4:12PM, 1647 AD, India: Chatrapati Shivaji wins his first battle against his sworn enemy ( Naam bhul gaya).

Sunday 11:15AM, 10th May 1947, India: Mangal Pandey raises his voice against the Britishers.

Friday 0:00AM, 15th Aug 1947, New Delhi: India wins its independence.

Monday 2:15AM, 7th Jan 1950 Karnataka: Johny Lever is Born.

Saturday 7:00PM, 25th June 1983, London: India wins the Cricket World Cup.

Friday 9:00AM, 31st July 1995, Mumbai: Sharhrukh Khan starrer Guddu is released.

July 1999, Kashmir: India wins the Kargil war.

Sunday 12:00AM, 3rd March 2005, Mumbai: IndiaTV is launched.

Monday 12:00PM, 20th Jan 2009, Washington D.C., USA: Barack Hussein Obama sworn in as the first Black President of the United States of America.

12:00PM 8th July 2009 India: Will www.poorjokes.in win the Indiblogger of the Month Award? ?

This is your chance to be a part of history. Please cast your vote at by Clicking HERE

Sushil Kr Shindes Mother name is "Ba-SHinde"

Bollywood Names ke PJ Bhare Opposites

Bachcho.. Aaj hum class mein opposites seekhenge..

Bolo, Ravina Tondon ka opposite kya hai???

.

.

.

.

Socho socho....

.

.

.

.

Chalo bata hi deta hun..

.

.

.

.

It's Ravi-haan Tondon !!

------------------------------------------

Next question,

Shahrukh Khan ka opposite kya hai???

.

.

.

.

Jaldi batao...

.

.

.

.

Yeh bhi nahi pata??

.

.

.

.

It's Shah-bhag Khan

------------------------------------------

Chalo ab aakhri sawal.. Kum se kum yeh to sahi batao..

Salman Khan ka opposite kya hai?

.

.

.

.

Kya kaha??

.

.

.

.

Yes.. Sahi jawab !!

.

.

.

.

It's Sal-woman Khan !!!

HEHEHEHEHE !!

© PoorJokes.in

"Rakhi ka Swayamvar"

Poor Jokes News Desk has done it once again!! Before the show hits NDTV Imagine from 29th June 2009, our correspondents have been successful in finding out the scheme of things in the show "Rakhi Ka Swayamvar". The show shall give Rakhi Sawant a chance to choose her life partner amongst a multitude of participants. Rumours are rife that the producers have received more than 20000 applications by men from around the globe for Rakhi Sawant's Swayamvar. Rumours are also rife that not a single male patient is left in the Agra Mental Hospital who hasn't applied for the Swayamvar.

However the breaking news is that participants in the Rakhi's Swayamvar were not meant to be from the Agra Mental Hospital initially!! The producers have shortlisted eminent personalities from the various fields to appear as guests in each episode of the show. These special guests would then attempt to woo Rakhi Sawant along side the mental cases who have applied by themselves.

The man invited to be the guest in the first episode is from the Indian Film Industry, Shiney Ahuja. He has tipped many other strong contenders from Bollywood who wanted to be invited. The clincher was his likings for maids.

Another one to appear in their list is from the Cricketing Fraternity. However his age suggests that we should use the word "Paternity" instead of "Fraternity". Its none other than Mohinder Amarnath! After his unsuccessful attempts at learning dancing in programmes like "Jhalak Dikhla Ja", he desperately wants Rakhi's companionship so that he could learn a few thumkas from her.

Another Cricketer who as been approached is S. Sreesanth. He is expected to be a perfect fit since he is used to being publicly slapped. Readers would recall that Rakhi had once slapped her earstwhile boyfriend Abhishek Awasthi full public view

But the biggest surprize of the Swayamvar is going to be none other then Sardar ManMohan Singh. He is a perfect fit for becoming Rakhi's husband as he is already habituated to obeying orders received from females.

When the Producers asked Rakhi who she would like to participate in her Swayamvar, they got a big surprise when she mentioned Mika Singh. She said she wanted to teach Mika a lifelong lesson for his earlier mis-demeanor with her.

Rakhi's ex-boyfriend Abhishek Awasthi when contacted was found unavailable. He apperantly has been admitted to a hospital recently due to stomach pains. On further enquiries, we came to know that the real reason for this is that he has been laughing incessantly since the show was announced, which resulted in his severe condition. He cannot believe there are so many fools want to get married to Rakhi !!

PS: As you all know, the above article is just a figment of our imagination and nothing mentioned here is real, we still would like to hear your stake on it! ! Who else do you think can come up in this list?? Press the reply button and let us know. .

Ma Ka PJ (Poor Joke)

Bhaiyo ise padhkar aapka haajma kharaab hone ke poore chances hai... Please read at your own risk!!!!!

There is a politician in India who cannot contact her Mother without the aid of his Personal Assistant.
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
It is simple Yaar!!
?
?
Nahi Pata?
?
It is P A Sang-Ma

© PoorJokes.in

Separated at Birth - Part 4

Akshay Kumar

Younis Khan

Click here to know more about "Separated at Birth"

Acronyms and their Meanings

OOO Huzzzoooor!!!

http://static.toondoo.com/ToonDoo.swf?userName=gareebjokes&id=838551

by gareebjokes | Create your own Cartoon at www.toondoo.com

Politicians playing Cricket

After the General Elections and formation of Government, all the political leaders of the country have decided to take some time off. While the World Cup T20 is going on in England, our politicians too have decided to play a cricket match. They divided themselves into 2 teams:- The Ruling Coalition and The Opposition

After much deliberation about the playing eleven, the teams were formed as follows –

The Ruling Coalition

1. Sonia Gandhi – has decided to become the Non Playing Captain
2. Dr. Manmohan Singh – has been appointed the Vice Captain who would manage the players on field, based on the instructions received from the Non Playing Captain
3. Mamta Banerjee – has been made the Wicket Keeper, since she can stop anything, let alone a cricket ball (given her track record of bringing entire West Bengal to a standstill hundreds of times)
4. Pranab Mukherjee – has made the team as a Pinch Hitter, as he has expertise in bailing his party out of tight situations
5. A K Antony– has been made the opening batsman as he was expected to have a good defense (being a Defense Minister)
6. Shashi Tharoor – has been made the team's fast bowler, hoping that he can bowl as fast as he speaks English
7. Sharad Pawar has made a last minute entry into the team, after his attempts to form a new team under his captaincy failed.
   

Rahul Gandhi has refused to be a part of the team, and instead decided to scout for new talent so that he can build a strong team for the future.

M Karuna-nidhi could not be a part of the team due to health concerns, hence he has taken over the post of Coach. And by using Coach’s discretion, he has included 4 of his family members into the team (this despite strong opposition from the Non Playing Captain and Vice Captain).

The Opposition

1. L K Advani - has been chosen as the Captain because he is now getting used to the role of scrape-goat
2. Jayalalitha – has been chosen as the wicket-keeper since nothing can get past her.
3. Lalu Prasad Yadav - has been chosen exclusively chosen as a fielder so that he can display his sledging prowess on the ground. ( “Dhut.... Budhbak!!”)
4. Arun Jet-lee - has been chosen as the fast bowler. He is hopeful that with the initials "Lee" on the back of his T Shirt he shall bowl as well as his Australian counterpart Brett Lee.
5. Seeta Ram Yechuri - has also been chosen as a fielder only, who would always field at “Third” man.
6. Jaswant Singh - would be the Stand-In Runner in case any batsman gets injured, as he has expertise in escorting people (remember Kandh-har??)
7. Amar Singh - shall take the role of spinner. Just as he confuses the whole world about his political stands, he shall hopefully dupe the batsmen as well.
8. The one Seat reserved in the team according to the “Women’s Reservation Bill” has gone to Sushma Swaraj
   

Prakash Karat was invited to join the Opposition team, but is refused as he “ideologically” opposes a western game like Cricket. The only game he agrees to play is “Chinese” Checkers.

The Opposition team requested retired player Atal Bihari Vajpai to be their coach, as he has the only Captain under whom this team won a match many years ago. But Atal ji has refused the post by uttering his famous line “Aisi ghatiya players ke sath match khelna.. Achchi baat nahi hai!!”

The not so funny part is that the only eligible players in Parliament, Mohd Azharuddin and Navjot Sidhu, shall not be able to play because all positions in their respective teams have already been booked by others.

And last but not the least, Meira Kumar has been appointed as the nation’s 1st Dalit Woman Match referee.

© PoorJokes.in

Breaking PJ News

Latest Headlines from the PoorJokes.in News Desk -
---------------------------------------------------
A hard-line Indian political organization has decided to launch a nation wide agitation against all ISI mark products, since it suspects a Pakistani hand in them.
----------------------------------------------------
A fundamentalist organization in Pakistan has opposed the telecast of WWE RAW Wrestling programmes in the country, as it believes Indian Intelligence is behind it.
----------------------------------------------------
© PoorJokes.in

Office Humour( When you get late for Office)

You know what you guys have done!!!!!!!
You have just exposed yourself to the "WORST PJ" of all the times.....